


A Different Kind of Force

by SinfullySimple



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben isn't Ben but hes not Kylo so he's Ren, Character Death, Explaining life, Gen, How Do I Tag, Life is hard, Redemption
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:33:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22550302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SinfullySimple/pseuds/SinfullySimple
Summary: *Rise of Skywalker Spoilers!*Ren is not the boy his parents raised him to be. But he is neither the man Snoke wanted him to be. After giving his life up to save Rey, the Force gives him a chance to understand the lessons of his life, and help him find how to be at peace.(Loosely based on the book "The Five People You Meet In Heaven". I do not own any characters and tried to keep everyone in character and not OOC.)
Kudos: 1





	A Different Kind of Force

**Author's Note:**

> Heya! 
> 
> So this is my first time publishing in this fandom. But when my English teacher gave me an assignment to lossely base a story of the book we had just finished reading I knew I had to use Ren. I tried real hard to keep everything in line and explain things. Hope you enjoy!

Ren looked into Rey’s eyes and tried to memorize her face as he slowly felt his life force leaving him. The strength that had supported him, carried him, his whole life, finally began to fail him. His limb went heavy, and his breathing slowed. As started to fall backwards time slowed and he looked up at the open sky above him. He watched as pieces of Star Destroyers slowly fell to the planet below them, and he watched the Resistance pilots flying around the destruction, no doubt celebrating their victory. Then he saw the stars beyond them, shining brightly in the dark, and slowly, he could no longer feel Rey above him. He took one last breath, closed his eyes to the universe, and let go. 

He found himself lying on hard, pact ground. As started to become aware of himself again, he knew that it wasn’t the same hard, stone ground he had gone to sleep on. 

That’s what people called it sometimes, right? A peaceful death could be compared to falling asleep. That’s what it had felt like, just with more...finality. He never imagined he would get one. He had known from the moment that his parents had sent him to train with his uncle that his life would end bloody. In a way, it still had, he supposed. But at least something came of it. Something other than just a legacy of death. 

But where was he? Death was said to be the end for a Sith. They’re energy went back into the universe, but it was completely dispelled. Unlike Jedi, who were able to keep a small portion of their energy together through their compassion, and stay in the light side of the Force. 

He sat up and looked down at himself, surprised to find no scapes, cuts, or blood anywhere. He was stunned and confused when he realized that he was wearing his old robes. The ones that he had been required to wear when he was a student under-  
“Ben,” a familiar voice sounded behind him. 

“Luke,” He said, getting to his feet and turning to face his uncle, who looked exactly like he had last seen him. As he looked beyond the older man he could see the old temple that Luke had set up, children running in the yard in front of it. The one that he had burned to the ground. 

“Why am I here?” He asked cautiously, surprised once again when his voice came out in a higher pitch than normal. He looked down at his hands and saw no calluses from his years of hard training. He saw no scars on his wrists when he lifted up his sleeve, and his body felt slightly lighter with the grace of youth. He was sixteen again. “How are we here?” he asked, and noted the small smile his uncle gave him. 

“Always so inquizitive,” He replied. “Something your mother always tried to encourage, and something I always tried to quell,” Ren said nothing, and Luke continued. “No one really knows what happens to a Jedi when they die. Of course everyone knows that they become one with the Force they held so dear, but there was always something missing,”

“What?” Ren asked before he could stop. He berated himself. Even if his body was once again a child didn’t mean his mind was, and just because it had been awhile since he had had to think about controlling his curiosity didn’t mean he shouldn’t be able to. But Luke just smiled. 

“When a Jedi dies, his life is explained to him. That way he knows the true meaning of his life, and can finally learn the true lessons that the people around him were trying to teach. Only then, may they rest and become one with the Force,” 

“But I’m not a Jedi,” He said. “And What lessons are you talking about? What lesson could you possibly have to teach me? I have already mastered the Force,” 

“Not lesson on the Force, dear boy. Lessons of life. Lesson of existence,” 

Suddenly the world changed around them, seeming to swirl and spin until it all stopped suddenly. He looked around and got his barings again, and almost shuttered when he realized where they were. 

“I tried to kill you this night,” Luke said, looking over to where he himself stood poised over a still sleeping Ben Solo, lightsaber softly illuminating his face. “For so long I refused to let myself even acknowledge that I did. I blamed it on you, told everyone, even my sister, that you had just gone wild. That you had burned the temple to the ground, taken some of the other students and killed the rest. But that wasn’t the whole truth, was it?” 

He looked over at Ren. “That night I let my fear get the best of me, and I am truly sorry,” 

Ren said nothing, but just stared at the scene before him. Then, after a moment, he speaks carefully and deliberately. “That night was the night I gave myself over to Snoke. Over to the dark side,” He looked back at his uncle. “But I hadn’t done it until I woke up seeing you, ready to strike me down. You drowned in the same fear everyone else in the universe did. I figured that if I couldn’t make anyone not fear me, I would just have to use their fear to my advantage,” 

“I know,” Luke said softly, not looking him in the eye. “My lesson to you, my nephew, is that fear is a powerful emotion that can take ahold of anyone, at any time, but you should net let it rule your life. You overcame that fear, your own, and the galaxies, when you saved Rey. When you let the light touch your soul once more,” Luke came over to him and set a hand on his shoulder. “You may never forgive me for the path I set you on, but I hope you see that fear can make people do extreme things. Even something like giving up on family,” 

Ren nodded slowly, thinking through what he was about to say, but suddenly he was free falling through open air and Luke was gone. 

Ren found himself in a jungle. Large, lush trees grew tall around him and the ground was full of green ferns. He looked around, trying to figure out where he was. But he did not know. He could not place it. 

“Ah, Kylo Ren,” A voice said from above him. “I had a feeling I would see you again,” The voice was young, maybe ten years old, and Ren looked up and around the trees, trying to find the source. “Why you don’t come up here with me?” And like magic, suddenly Ren was up in a tree sitting next to a young girl. 

“Hello,” He said cautiously. 

“Hello again,” She said back, happily swinging her legs back and forth in the open air. 

“Have we met before?” He asked as he subtly looking at himself. He was dressed in his robes from when he first started his training with Snoke, so he figured that he couldn’t be more than nineteen. The little girl nodded at him. “Did we meet...here?” he asked, still not sure where ‘here’ was. Again she nodded. 

“Here you saved me. And here you destroy my home,” 

He stared at her, trying to remember who she was. Then it came to him. “We’re on Kashyyyk,” Again, the little girl nodded. Kashyyyk was one of his first missions from Snoke. He had been sent as a test. Told to slaughter the village there and take the crops for the First Order. 

He had gone in with a group of stormtroopers and had done exactly that. Except for one little girl. He had found her when he was doing his last sweep of the village. He could sense a presence in a house and had followed it. His master had ordered that no one was to be left alive. 

But when he had gone in, he had found a little girl, half covered in blood that didn’t look like her own, crying in a back closet in a room. She had screamed when she saw him, but he quickly shushed her. For some reason, he didn’t want anyone else knowing she was there. 

“It’s okay,” he had told her. “I’m not going to hurt you,” then he had picked her up and calmed her. After thinking about it for awhile he had told her his plan to get her out of there. He told the troopers that he was taking her back to Snoke because she was force sensitive and they hadn’t questioned it. Then, later, he had dropped her off in a neighboring village, and left her behind. 

“Because of your compassion and you disobeying your master, I lived. I lived to fall in love and have kids. When I left my home, my third son was expecting my fifteenth grandchild,” 

“But you-”

Still looks like when I last saw you? Yes,” she stood up and balanced on the branch before reaching up and plucking an odd looking fruit. She bit into it and smiled. “As much as I loved my life, this is my happiest time. Climbing these trees and eating their fruit,” She sat down again and looked at him, almost studying him. 

“What?” he asked, suddenly defensive. 

“You were never as lost as you thought you were, Ben Solo. You choose compassion over hatred that day and saved my life. Everything in the universe is connected, and yes, I know, you have done terrible things. But in the end, what did you choose,”

“But that doesn’t change-”

“Good luck, child,” She interrupted him, and suddenly he was falling once more.

This time when he opened his eyes he was surrounded by familiar walls. Old greys that once used to be shiny, and rust browns that once used to be steel. There was the smell of the universe in the small hallways and he cringed. As far as he knew, his Uncle Chewie was fine- had survived the battle. So that meant-

“Ben,” Once again Ren found himself turning around to meet a well known face. 

“Father,” he answered flatly, hoping that his face didn’t give away everything he felt. But as he studied his father he knew that it did. 

“My death split you in two,” he said, never one to beat around the bush. Ren just nodded. Han took a step forward. “You still think of yourself as Ren,” another statement. Another nod. Another step. “But not Kylo?”

“Kylo killed people. Kylo killed you,” he said. 

“But Ben?” another step, he was within reach now. 

“Ben Solo died a long time ago,” he answered, trying to blink back the tears he could feel forming. 

“I don’t think so,” Han said. He reached out his hand and cupped his face, and suddenly the world spun. It spun and spun until suddenly it stopped and they hovered above nothing but open air. 

“I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it,” he heard his own voice and flinched. He knew where they were. What was about to happen. 

“Even then, you were already torn by the decision,” his father’s voice came from beside him. “But I knew that if I had any chance of getting my son back, I had to help you. Even at the expense of my own life,” 

The lightsaber crackled to life beside them and he heard everyone scream from their viourios spots. His uncle Chewie’s the loudest, and most pain filled. He flinched again and turned his back on Han. He couldn’t watch again as his father’s lifeless body fell limp into the air. 

“Do you regret it?” Han asked quietly, still behind, but right to the left of Ren. 

“Yes,” he answered simply. “With every fiber of my being,”

“But you were saved by it? That and your mother?” 

“Yes,” he answered again. 

“Then it was all worth it in the end? Wasn’t it?” 

“How could you say that?” he yelled, rounding on the older man. “I killed you. Took your life from Rey and from Chewie and from mom,” his voice broke and he cursed his inability to control his emotions. 

“Because, a father’s purpose is to always be there to guide their child. And be there when they need them. I know I wasn’t the best father to you Ben, but I tried. And now I am here asking for you to forgive me,” Ren looked at him, stunned. 

‘You’re asking me to forgive you?” he asked incredulously. His father just nodded, not a trace of lies in his eyes. “I should be asking you to forgive me!” But Han just shook his head. 

“I forgave you a long time ago,” he said, and with those words Ren embraced him, and gave into his emotions. After a minute he pulled away and gathered himself, not fully believing that it had just happened. 

“So?” his father asked hesitantly. Ren just nodded and tried to give him a small smile. 

“Father I-” he never finished as he flew the free fall once again. 

Sand surrounded him and the sun beat down on him in his black robes as he once again became aware of his surroundings. It didn’t take him long to realize that he was back on Jakku, Rey’s home world. Looking around he saw a small house in the distance, a figure standing in front of it. The figure waved and he started his way over. Where else was he supposed to go. But he was shocked as he saw the girl standing there. He rushed over, stopping just before her. 

“No!” he cried out. “No! You were supposed to live! You should have had enough life force-”

“Ben, stop,” she said calmly. “I’m fine. Luke came to me. He said that he needed me to do one last thing. I’m actually on Jakku. I came to finally let go of my old life. I’m fine,”

“You mean your not…” he trailed off. 

“Dead?” she asked. “No. Thanks to you that is,” he nodded, content. 

“So why am I here?” he asked suddenly after a moment of silence. “I thought everyone I saw was supposed to teach me a lesson. What can you possibly teach me?” 

“Humility.” she said plainly. He scoffed and she smiled like she won the lottery. “See! That right there! You have to realize that just because I didn’t come from some big bloodline like you-”

“Actually-”

“Originally we thought I didn’t so shut up and listen!” her words were harsh, but her eyes light. “You looked down upon me- underestimated me even- simply because I came from a nothing, backwater planet that nobody cares about. Because I didn’t have a family,” he went to talk again, but a sharp look from Rey stopped him. 

“You need to realize, Ben, that just because someone didn’t come from much doesn’t mean that they’re nothing. Look at Finn. he was a stormtrooper. Just another mindless drone in a suite that you gave orders to. But not really. Even Luke came from nothing! Do you understand?”  
He looked at her, nodding slowly. “I think I do,” he said, thinking deeply about what she had just said. 

“Good,” she said. “So you won’t be sore when I do this,” he was so caught up in his thoughts that he didn’t register her words until it was too late. Her staff came whistling through the air and swept him right off his feet. He landed with a good thud in the surprisingly hard sand and gasped as all the air left his lungs. 

“No go rest in peace you snobby child,” she said, giving him a playful smile. Then he was once more freefalling. 

When he became aware again he found himself in the command room of a shuttle ship. Everything seemed to be so white it was almost glowing, and sounds came occasionally from the screens around the room. But as he looked around, there was only one other person in the room. 

“Hello, my son” Leia Organa said softly as she turned around. 

Ren fell to his knees in front of his mother, staring up at her. He didn’t bother to try and stop his emotions and tears quickly started making their way down his face. He had no words as she stepped down to meet him. There was no anger or hatred in her face, but it took him a moment to figure out what was showing on her face. 

“My dear boy,” She said, coming to kneel in front of him. “I love you so much,” reaching out and bringing ren into a hug, she herself started to cry. 

“I’m so sorry,” He practically sobbed. “I should have-”

“Shhhh now, my boy,” she pulled away and put her hands on either side of his face. He was reminded of his father and tried to not let another wave of emotion overcome him. After years of repressing any emotions other than anger it was surprisingly easily to let everything go. To let every emotion he could ever possibly feel flow through him. 

“You saved me,” he said, looking down at their laps. “You made me realize how things were. How far I had gone,”

“You were never truly gone, Ben. I always knew that you would come back to us. I never lost hope,” Ren laughed slightly at that. 

“Yes,” he said. “You and your never ending supply of hope,” Leia smiled at him and he lifted his eyes to meet hers. “You died trying to reach me. Why would you do that?” 

“Because of love,” 

He looked at her curiously. “How could you love a monster like me? Do you know how many people I’ve hurt? How many lives I’ve taken? I have done things you can’t even imagine. How could anyone still love me?” 

His mother sat with him for a moment before speaking, letting go of the sadeness she felt as she heard the self hatred in her son’s voice. “You are so loved Ben,”

“Ren,” he said, not being able to bear the name anymore. “I am not the boy you raised me to be. I am not the man Snoke wanted me to be. I am Ren,” she nodded, giving him a small smile. 

“Ren,” she said, “you have so many people who still love you. Who forgive you for what you have done. But now, Ren, you have to love yourself. You must do this, or you shall never know peace,”

He looked at her, his soul on his face, eyes red rimmed, and breathing short. “How?” he asked brokenly. 

“Accept your past, and move on,” she said softly. He nodded slowly. 

Eventually they talked for hours. Or maybe days, he wasn’t sure. But he told her everything. Everything Snoke ever did to him. Everything he ever did to the people of the galaxy. How his anger raged and how his pain burned. And somehow, in the end, he came to accept it. 

“Are you ready?” Leia asked. He looked at her and nodded slowly. 

“You can rest now Ren. Know that anger doesn’t control you, compassion still lives inside you, you are forgiven and have forgave, you know humility, and you are loved. Let go, and be free of any pain,”

And as he started to free fall once more, not knowing what came next, he felt nothing but peace. Nothing but serenity, and most of all, love.


End file.
